Thursday, December 6, 2012

Helpful Tips for a Single Girl

When you fall into relationships, things begin to shift.  You stay in more, drink less, see more movies than you did all year, etc...  Some professionals call this nesting.  All perfectly normal, and good...while you are the one doing it.  In the world of single girls, we tend to look at our friend that is "nesting" as "one of those girls."  The one that doesn't call you unless she is single.  At least that is your perception at the time.  Over time we have all become this girl.  You adapt his likes and dislikes because that's what we are taught to do so that he will really, really like you. 

At this point, anyone could agree with the term "professional dater" when referring to me. (Keep in mind I didn't say successful)

As a professional, I am here are some helpful tips for all of those new daters on what you should and shouldn't bend on:

Should:  He wants to go see the new action packed, blood infested, terrible acted movie the same weekend that the Notebook 2 opens.  (All he's going to do is annoy you with constant banter while Ryan Gosling is trying to chop kindling...shirtless...)

Shouldn't:  He wants to take you to the outskirts of town to a theatre in which you don't recognize any of the titles and it doesn't have any windows.

Should:  He wants to take you to downtown to see the new local band play. (Hey, they sell booze there...)

Shouldn't:  He wants to do an overnight camping weekend to see some lame cover band in the cold and rain.  (That's a guys go to the spa while he's out there roughing it.  Let's face it, all we are going to do is complain anyways)

Shouldn't: Think its OK to always cook him dinner and never get a thanks or an offer to wash the dishes. (Even if you are going to re-wash the dishes after he leaves...)

Should:  Think its sweet when he wants to cook you dinner from scratch.  (Even if you see the Hamburger Helper box in the trash)

Being a single girl isn't easy.  If only someone wiser than me had given me these tools...Who am I kidding?  I would have made all these mistakes anyways, but would have appreciated the warnings!

Friday, November 16, 2012

Single girl translations Part One

The longer I date, the more advice I seem to get.  This is especially true when it comes to trying to deciper the code that single men seem to use constantly.  As much as this "help" is appreciated I have been asked to transcribe a single girl's translation into the world of dating.  So here you go:

Guy:  "Well, this was fun, I'm kinda tired, gonna call it a night."
Married Girl(or girl no longer single):  "Oh, he was just tired from work, it shows he's a hard worker." 
Translation:  I am not getting laid?  Oh, well, I gotta go see if I can make it to last call at another bar...

Guy:  "Wow, this restaurant is fancy!"
MG:  "He feels underdressed, he's just a little insecure."
T:  "Hmmm, you are not quite as hot as I thought you would be, so I can't believe I am gonna spend this much dough!!"

Guy:  "I am not really into going out, or the bar scene, how about just a movie at my place?
MG:  "How romantic, he wants to spend quality time with you."
T:  This one is tough, there are a couple of options-
          --"I am cheap and don't actually want to spend money on you until I see if you are worth it."
          --"I just want to sleep with you."
          --"I am a super creeper and want to kill you sell your body parts.

These are just a few, but enough to give a good idea of what it's like out there.  To be in a constant world of innuendos and subtext is enough to drive a sane girl crazy....

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Silly Teacher....Tricks are for kids...

Wow, can not believe its been over 3 months since I have last written!  It seems that so much has happened. Let's dive right in...
I changed websites!  No more  I mean a girl can only take the "fit and trim" guy for so long.  Really?  EVERY guy is into fitness?  So annoying.  I like the outdoors as much as the next girl.  As long as the next girl is in line at Nordstrom's semi-annual shoe sale...
So I logged on to  Its a free dating website, sorta similar to the others with a question format to match you up with your future mate.  I have had a tremendous out pour of responses.  Keep in mind that this website if free, so its free range to every "unhappily" married man, "currently finding myself" man (aka, you don't have a job!), and of course the super angry man that wants NO DRAMA!  Seriously, that's the first sentence that they say.  They want a girl with no issues or drama.  OK, isn't that a given?
So I meet a guy.  We email for a week or so and then the cell phone numbers are actually exchanged.  We text funny and witty banter for a week and then decide to meet.  Let me describe him to you based on just his pictures:
--He has a full ginger beard, I mean a FULL beard, sort of cool since I have never dated a guy with a beard.
--He literally has a beer in every picture. He explains it by saying that he is a beer connoisseur, and that's cool because I am a beer girl.
--He wears band t-shirts in almost every picture.  Awesome, he's eclectic.

We decide to go on our first date.  We go to Sfuzzy's, a semi-pretentious pizza place that boasts the "best looking crowd."  It was OK.  Conversation was good, not great.  The best part of the whole date was when he paid and tipped my valet for me.  I thought that was so sweet and thoughtful.
I texted him the obligatory, had a good night text and he reciprocated.

For time's sake, let's fast forward to 4th date.  We decide to go see a show.  In Deep Ellum.  I will be honest, haven't been there in years, so I thought it may be fun.  It was a disaster.  He was so hungover from the night before, he was downright grumpy.  Sort of even rude.  He didn't even talk to me much, or sit next to me at the concert!  When I asked him what was wrong he said he was still hungover, when I asked why he didn't cancel he said "I already bought the tickets, what a waste."
We never spoke again.

Here is what his pictures should have told me:
--A full beard that is not very trimmed=a super lazy guy
--A beer in every picture doesn't make you a beer knerd, it makes you a guy with NO hobbies.
--Band t-shirts when you are 38 means you do not realize you are not 20 anymore.

P.S.---Hey, Mr. Teacher, remember when you told me you googled and facebook stalked me after our first date and was hurt that I didn't blog about you??  I really hope you enjoy this shout out...

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Casino night!

In my attempt to try and do things different, shake things up, I decided to talk to a guy from Oklahoma.  We texted for about a week or so and in a very impromptu move, I drove an hour to Winstar Casino to meet him.  This was me being daring, fun, and free!  And as all my dates seem to, you can imagine how it ended...Here is a brief synopsis of the evening.
To start, his phone died.  I had no way of contacting him.  He just said to meet in front of the hotel.  Um, OK.  For those who have never been to Winstar, its HUGE.  Halfway there I began to realize that I may have made a mistake. 
I couldn't find him for 20 minutes.  I looked in the front of the casino, both entrances, and the hotel lobby.  Little did I know that I had passed him twice and didn't realize it was him.  That would probably be because his profile picture is from his college days.  Look, I am all for putting your best picture out there.  In fact, my pic is an old one.  You know, from a YEAR ago.  Not 15-20 years ago.  UPDATE!! It is so unfair to have to go on a date with a completely different picture. 
So, we finally meet up and he is done gambling.  So that just left me to gamble by myself while he watched.  Very awkward. 
The night ended with us getting slices of pizza and me being so tired that all I wanted to do was go home.
We hugged and then left each other.  We texted the next day, but I haven't answered his last text because...well...I don't really want to. 
He was a nice guy but there were no sparks.  And let's face it, sparks are what's going to get you the second date.
Very big shout out to my friend that called me every hour to make sure I was alright, my family who despite thinking I was crazy let me go anyways, and my bestie that made me give her his match profile name along with a full description that she could give to the police just in case. 
Another date down the tubes, but a lesson learned...make him come to you!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

My attempt to be normal....

So I decided to take a break from my perpetual singledom and actually date a guy.  He was very nice, and sweet and totally not my type.  But hey, the saying goes, if your type ain't workin' for ya... My very sweet friend decided to set me up with him.  After many thwarted attempts we finally met up and had drinks.  It was fun.  We continued to see each other for about 3 months.  We were finally getting into a groove.  Well, I was.  Let's examine all the things that went wrong.

1.  He "hated" using the phone.  Really?  It's a source of communication.  He rarely texted me, and forget about him actually calling me.  He didn't like the phone at all.  I excused the fact that I wouldn't hear from him for 4 or 5 days in a row because I thought that maybe that was a real thing.  Looking back now I realize that he was on his phone quite often when we went out.

2.  We never really hung out.  We met for drinks and that was about it.  He never really took me out on a proper date. I never said anything so that I would appear to be laid back and super cool.  Talk about a backfire!

3.  He hated everything.  He was a self-proclaimed grump and he was very true to his word.  Nothing was to his liking.  His drink wasn't made right, traffic was awful, everyone at work is so stupid...
After 3 months of dating he just stopped calling.  Nothing, nada., zilch.  It's been over a month and I still have no idea what happened to him.  My family asks what happened  because it just doesn't make sense to them and I can't really say.  The truth of the matter is that I wasn't very sad that I didn't hear from him.  I never called him either (once again my attempt to be super cool and laid back...).
I did learn a lot from him though.

1.  It is OK to expect a phone call from a guy.  If he hates using the phone, then that's fine, but he should still WANT to call--not just text.

2.  I want a date.  A real date.  A "only in the movies" kind of date.  In my attempt to appear so laid back I never actually said that I wanted more.

3.  Moodiness is NOT a turn on for me.  I like my men to be strong and be able to handle his emotions.  Leave the moodiness to me.

So it's time to start over.  Here's to the next guy! 

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Wow, it's been over a year!

So, I can not believe it's been a year (almost to the date) since I have last blogged. So much has happened. Not all good, but many learning experiences.

When I last left off, I was going to do the SOY (summer of yes). Long story short, never happened. Nobody's fault, but I think even my friends realized what a beating it is to try and date...especially if it was for me. The dating world has changed a little bit since I last blogged.

First off, we are not only judged on looks and personality, but on whom we follow on twitter. Actually had a guy get disgusted that I follow Kim Kardashian. I quickly tried to follow up with the fact that I also follow Mark Cuban, but he was already one foot out the door. Can you judge me really? I mean if I am interested in an exciting dating life, why not follow the queen of all dating mishaps right? Not that I necessarily WANT a dating life like hers, but surely some of you get my point.

Another thing that has changed is the "coffee" date. Is this the new cheap way to get to know a girl without spending bucks? Am I getting judged on the latte that I choose? I mean I like my whole milk, but the pressure to get soy on a date is pretty overwhelming. And what size do you get? It’s obvious that the Venti is too much for this guy, so do I get the smallest? Way too complicated for me.

One last thing that I have noticed over the last year is the "you decide" philosophy. Has the women's movement changed men so drastically that they can not even decide where to take a girl out to dinner? I appreciate that you want me to be comfortable, but can you pick a CITY that works for you? I find it utterly frustrating that a man can not even pick a restaurant anymore. I suppose the solution became coffee...

It's been a wild year off (and by wild I mean educational), but I am ready to jump back in. I am still in the same boat, but it’s a better boat. One with a life jacket...I hope...

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


No, I haven't changed my diet...After talking to my friends and family, it seems that I may have become a little disgruntled with the dating world. So, my friends have decided to take this situation and take control of it. So, we are going to be starting the SUMMER OF YES.
Here's the breakdown:
I have to go on any date that they approve. There is 3 of them, so they will take a vote. They get complete access to my and can ask for dates on my behalf. I can not veto the date at any time. If we go on a date, and the guy isn't a total creep, then I HAVE to go on a second date. I was of course adamant about a couple of things. I set age limits, non smoker, and height restrictions.
We are going to start this very soon...since my first year with didn't work out like I planned, I guess we are going to start a new experience for 2011. I'll keep you posted!!