Helpful Tips for a Single Girl

When you fall into relationships, things begin to shift.  You stay in more, drink less, see more movies than you did all year, etc...  Some professionals call this nesting.  All perfectly normal, and good...while you are the one doing it.  In the world of single girls, we tend to look at our friend that is "nesting" as "one of those girls."  The one that doesn't call you unless she is single.  At least that is your perception at the time.  Over time we have all become this girl.  You adapt his likes and dislikes because that's what we are taught to do so that he will really, really like you. 

At this point, anyone could agree with the term "professional dater" when referring to me. (Keep in mind I didn't say successful)

As a professional, I am here are some helpful tips for all of those new daters on what you should and shouldn't bend on:

Should:  He wants to go see the new action packed, blood infested, terrible acted movie the same weekend that the Notebook 2 opens.  (All he's going to do is annoy you with constant banter while Ryan Gosling is trying to chop kindling...shirtless...)

Shouldn't:  He wants to take you to the outskirts of town to a theatre in which you don't recognize any of the titles and it doesn't have any windows.

Should:  He wants to take you to downtown to see the new local band play. (Hey, they sell booze there...)

Shouldn't:  He wants to do an overnight camping weekend to see some lame cover band in the cold and rain.  (That's a guys trip...you go to the spa while he's out there roughing it.  Let's face it, all we are going to do is complain anyways)

Shouldn't: Think its OK to always cook him dinner and never get a thanks or an offer to wash the dishes. (Even if you are going to re-wash the dishes after he leaves...)

Should:  Think its sweet when he wants to cook you dinner from scratch.  (Even if you see the Hamburger Helper box in the trash)

Being a single girl isn't easy.  If only someone wiser than me had given me these tools...Who am I kidding?  I would have made all these mistakes anyways, but would have appreciated the warnings!

Single girl translations Part One

The longer I date, the more advice I seem to get.  This is especially true when it comes to trying to deciper the code that single men seem to use constantly.  As much as this "help" is appreciated I have been asked to transcribe a single girl's translation into the world of dating.  So here you go:

Guy:  "Well, this was fun, I'm kinda tired, gonna call it a night."
Married Girl(or girl no longer single):  "Oh, he was just tired from work, it shows he's a hard worker." 
Translation:  I am not getting laid?  Oh, well, I gotta go see if I can make it to last call at another bar...

Guy:  "Wow, this restaurant is fancy!"
MG:  "He feels underdressed, he's just a little insecure."
T:  "Hmmm, you are not quite as hot as I thought you would be, so I can't believe I am gonna spend this much dough!!"

Guy:  "I am not really into going out, or the bar scene, how about just a movie at my place?
MG:  "How romantic, he wants to spend quality time with you."
T:  This one is tough, there are a couple of options-
          --"I am cheap and don't actually want to spend money on you until I see if you are worth it."
          --"I just want to sleep with you."
          --"I am a super creeper and want to kill you sell your body parts.

These are just a few, but enough to give a good idea of what it's like out there.  To be in a constant world of innuendos and subtext is enough to drive a sane girl crazy....

Silly Teacher....Tricks are for kids...

Wow, can not believe its been over 3 months since I have last written!  It seems that so much has happened. Let's dive right in...
I changed websites!  No more match.com.  I mean a girl can only take the "fit and trim" guy for so long.  Really?  EVERY guy is into fitness?  So annoying.  I like the outdoors as much as the next girl.  As long as the next girl is in line at Nordstrom's semi-annual shoe sale...
So I logged on to okcupid.com.  Its a free dating website, sorta similar to the others with a question format to match you up with your future mate.  I have had a tremendous out pour of responses.  Keep in mind that this website if free, so its free range to every "unhappily" married man, "currently finding myself" man (aka, you don't have a job!), and of course the super angry man that wants NO DRAMA!  Seriously, that's the first sentence that they say.  They want a girl with no issues or drama.  OK, isn't that a given?
So I meet a guy.  We email for a week or so and then the cell phone numbers are actually exchanged.  We text funny and witty banter for a week and then decide to meet.  Let me describe him to you based on just his pictures:
--He has a full ginger beard, I mean a FULL beard, sort of cool since I have never dated a guy with a beard.
--He literally has a beer in every picture. He explains it by saying that he is a beer connoisseur, and that's cool because I am a beer girl.
--He wears band t-shirts in almost every picture.  Awesome, he's eclectic.

We decide to go on our first date.  We go to Sfuzzy's, a semi-pretentious pizza place that boasts the "best looking crowd."  It was OK.  Conversation was good, not great.  The best part of the whole date was when he paid and tipped my valet for me.  I thought that was so sweet and thoughtful.
I texted him the obligatory, had a good night text and he reciprocated.

For time's sake, let's fast forward to 4th date.  We decide to go see a show.  In Deep Ellum.  I will be honest, haven't been there in years, so I thought it may be fun.  It was a disaster.  He was so hungover from the night before, he was downright grumpy.  Sort of even rude.  He didn't even talk to me much, or sit next to me at the concert!  When I asked him what was wrong he said he was still hungover, when I asked why he didn't cancel he said "I already bought the tickets, what a waste."
We never spoke again.

Here is what his pictures should have told me:
--A full beard that is not very trimmed=a super lazy guy
--A beer in every picture doesn't make you a beer knerd, it makes you a guy with NO hobbies.
--Band t-shirts when you are 38 means you do not realize you are not 20 anymore.

P.S.---Hey, Mr. Teacher, remember when you told me you googled and facebook stalked me after our first date and was hurt that I didn't blog about you??  I really hope you enjoy this shout out...

Casino night!

In my attempt to try and do things different, shake things up, I decided to talk to a guy from Oklahoma.  We texted for about a week or so and in a very impromptu move, I drove an hour to Winstar Casino to meet him.  This was me being daring, fun, and free!  And as all my dates seem to, you can imagine how it ended...Here is a brief synopsis of the evening.
To start, his phone died.  I had no way of contacting him.  He just said to meet in front of the hotel.  Um, OK.  For those who have never been to Winstar, its HUGE.  Halfway there I began to realize that I may have made a mistake. 
I couldn't find him for 20 minutes.  I looked in the front of the casino, both entrances, and the hotel lobby.  Little did I know that I had passed him twice and didn't realize it was him.  That would probably be because his profile picture is from his college days.  Look, I am all for putting your best picture out there.  In fact, my pic is an old one.  You know, from a YEAR ago.  Not 15-20 years ago.  UPDATE!! It is so unfair to have to go on a date with a completely different picture. 
So, we finally meet up and he is done gambling.  So that just left me to gamble by myself while he watched.  Very awkward. 
The night ended with us getting slices of pizza and me being so tired that all I wanted to do was go home.
We hugged and then left each other.  We texted the next day, but I haven't answered his last text because...well...I don't really want to. 
He was a nice guy but there were no sparks.  And let's face it, sparks are what's going to get you the second date.
Very big shout out to my friend that called me every hour to make sure I was alright, my family who despite thinking I was crazy let me go anyways, and my bestie that made me give her his match profile name along with a full description that she could give to the police just in case. 
Another date down the tubes, but a lesson learned...make him come to you!

My attempt to be normal....

So I decided to take a break from my perpetual singledom and actually date a guy.  He was very nice, and sweet and totally not my type.  But hey, the saying goes, if your type ain't workin' for ya... My very sweet friend decided to set me up with him.  After many thwarted attempts we finally met up and had drinks.  It was fun.  We continued to see each other for about 3 months.  We were finally getting into a groove.  Well, I was.  Let's examine all the things that went wrong.

1.  He "hated" using the phone.  Really?  It's a source of communication.  He rarely texted me, and forget about him actually calling me.  He didn't like the phone at all.  I excused the fact that I wouldn't hear from him for 4 or 5 days in a row because I thought that maybe that was a real thing.  Looking back now I realize that he was on his phone quite often when we went out.

2.  We never really hung out.  We met for drinks and that was about it.  He never really took me out on a proper date. I never said anything so that I would appear to be laid back and super cool.  Talk about a backfire!

3.  He hated everything.  He was a self-proclaimed grump and he was very true to his word.  Nothing was to his liking.  His drink wasn't made right, traffic was awful, everyone at work is so stupid...
After 3 months of dating he just stopped calling.  Nothing, nada., zilch.  It's been over a month and I still have no idea what happened to him.  My family asks what happened  because it just doesn't make sense to them and I can't really say.  The truth of the matter is that I wasn't very sad that I didn't hear from him.  I never called him either (once again my attempt to be super cool and laid back...).
I did learn a lot from him though.

1.  It is OK to expect a phone call from a guy.  If he hates using the phone, then that's fine, but he should still WANT to call--not just text.

2.  I want a date.  A real date.  A "only in the movies" kind of date.  In my attempt to appear so laid back I never actually said that I wanted more.

3.  Moodiness is NOT a turn on for me.  I like my men to be strong and be able to handle his emotions.  Leave the moodiness to me.

So it's time to start over.  Here's to the next guy! 

Wow, it's been over a year!

So, I can not believe it's been a year (almost to the date) since I have last blogged. So much has happened. Not all good, but many learning experiences.


When I last left off, I was going to do the SOY (summer of yes). Long story short, never happened. Nobody's fault, but I think even my friends realized what a beating it is to try and date...especially if it was for me. The dating world has changed a little bit since I last blogged.

First off, we are not only judged on looks and personality, but on whom we follow on twitter. Actually had a guy get disgusted that I follow Kim Kardashian. I quickly tried to follow up with the fact that I also follow Mark Cuban, but he was already one foot out the door. Can you judge me really? I mean if I am interested in an exciting dating life, why not follow the queen of all dating mishaps right? Not that I necessarily WANT a dating life like hers, but surely some of you get my point.

Another thing that has changed is the "coffee" date. Is this the new cheap way to get to know a girl without spending bucks? Am I getting judged on the latte that I choose? I mean I like my whole milk, but the pressure to get soy on a date is pretty overwhelming. And what size do you get? It’s obvious that the Venti is too much for this guy, so do I get the smallest? Way too complicated for me.

One last thing that I have noticed over the last year is the "you decide" philosophy. Has the women's movement changed men so drastically that they can not even decide where to take a girl out to dinner? I appreciate that you want me to be comfortable, but can you pick a CITY that works for you? I find it utterly frustrating that a man can not even pick a restaurant anymore. I suppose the solution became coffee...

It's been a wild year off (and by wild I mean educational), but I am ready to jump back in. I am still in the same boat, but it’s a better boat. One with a life jacket...I hope...

S O Y

No, I haven't changed my diet...After talking to my friends and family, it seems that I may have become a little disgruntled with the dating world. So, my friends have decided to take this situation and take control of it. So, we are going to be starting the SUMMER OF YES.
Here's the breakdown:
I have to go on any date that they approve. There is 3 of them, so they will take a vote. They get complete access to my match.com and can ask for dates on my behalf. I can not veto the date at any time. If we go on a date, and the guy isn't a total creep, then I HAVE to go on a second date. I was of course adamant about a couple of things. I set age limits, non smoker, and height restrictions.
We are going to start this very soon...since my first year with match.com didn't work out like I planned, I guess we are going to start a new experience for 2011. I'll keep you posted!!

Sighs have taken over my life...

It's unbelievable the amount of time I spend sighing in a day.
Examples:

--"So, when is your wedding going to be? I really need to plan my vacation days..."


--"Wow, you are 31? You need to pop some kids out before you are WAY too old!"


--"You ever consider that you weren't meant to be with anyone. Maybe God has a bigger plan for you. You should consider missionary work. Lots of unmarried women find that to be really rewarding."


--"You are such a pretty girl. I wonder why men just don't like you."


--"I can't sleep at night just thinking about how you are going to die alone "(this one is courtesy of my mother)


So I guess for now, sighs are my answer to everything. I mean, is there really an answer to any of this? Any smart alec comeback I have, just makes me seem bitter. So, I have surrendered to the sighs. That's the best response I can give for now.

Still single?? How can that be??

So, over a year later and I am still single. This experiment has taken over my identity. Who am I? The single girl? While it is true that I am the ONLY single one out of my family at all gatherings. And, I am the ONLY single one out of my closest girlfriends. Has that become my new identity? Is it possible that maybe I was meant to be single? Does it mean that you are an awful person if you really don't get all mushy and tingly inside when you see a couple kissing in public? Or when you see a child crying all you can do is sigh...with relief that its not your kid? Aren't these normal reactions? Someone recently told me that I needed to consider that maybe I would be alone for the rest of my life. Wow, harsh. Well, I have considered it. I have an amazing family and great friends. The funny thing is that I don't feel alone. I am actually grateful that I can come and go as I please. I am happy that I can sleep through the night and not have to hear a baby screaming for food. I have become a truly "single" person. Is it possible to share your life with someone, when you have spent your whole life trying not to??

P.s.--I know all of you mother's out there are going to tell me about the joys of motherhood. I just can't relate. Maybe one day, but for now...

They say...

So if I hear one more married person tell me that the day they stopped looking for a boyfriend/husband/partner is the day they met the person of their dreams, I may actually scream. It's an insane idea that "universe" is somehow against you being pro active and finding a partner. So I need to stop looking? And then what? A man somehow appears in my lap. Everything I was looking for...but I wasn't looking right? So very confusing and a little annoying. Married folks: If you have been married for over 5 years, then you don't remember what it was like to date. It is not fun. And no, I don't want to meet your brother in law/cousin/awesome guy you work with...

What am I doing wrong??

This is an actual guy that winked at me on Match.com. I really need to rethink my profile if this is what I am attracting... Yep. I'm single. The Internet who would have thought it. This insane dude. I like to party but its not always about drinking (just most of the times hehe) but seriously if we just went to a club to dance i would probably have more fun than you jk i don't know you yet lol. anyways by reading this you are probably inferring that my english is horrible. Negative. Quite to the contrary i pride myself in my mastery of english. But what you could correctly infer is that i am lazy not in that o hes fat kinda lazy but i want to get it done and over as fast as possible lazy but only when im not working cuz when im getting paid i do it right always thats the only to live a life. i love to read i used to write mosltly but i stopped i dont know why cuz i found video games . My ideal match would be someone who loves video games mainly versus games like fighters or shooters but rpg's are also fantastical. i love anime also she will be willing to try watching anime if she doesnt already i dont know what she would like but i would appreciate her beauty. im thinking she would be a lil bit of a social girl cuz i love to party and dance and do all that jazz im sure she would love to do it also i dunno dude this seams like pre-emptive in its nature if you think your interested at all gimme a shout plz zombie lovers not a must but definately a bonus same thing with redheads its just my thing ---Ps. His profile pic is of him doing a beer bong....

Still talking to the "new guy"...

Oh, my. So much has happened, where do I begin? Ok, let's start with the last guy. So we didn't talk or text for about 3 weeks. I had given up all hope and then he shows up at my job. No warning, no heads up, just shows up. He texts me to see if I am there and I respond no. He then asks if we could meet up for a drink and talk. Ok, this is weird, but I say yes. We meet up and talked about a lot of things. I asked him what his deal was. Why he hadn't text or called in 3 weeks and then bam, he just shows up. He said that he had a lot of insecurities since his divorce and that he may have projected some of those on to me. I explained to him that I was not asking for a proposal, just wanted him to be more available. I also explained to him that if he wasn't into me, then that was fine, but I was NOT interested in wasting my time. Basically, I let him have it. So....he has called or texted me every day. He came out with me and some friends last week also...one would think its going well. Until this week. He has plans every night and is going out of town this weekend. It seems that he is starting the whole cycle again. Frustrating... AND NO--he does not have a girlfriend(I have been to his place a couple of times)...ok, so I THINK he doesn't have a girlfriend...

The new guy...

OK, here goes. Met a new guy. He's Indian, got a great job, and is funny...what's the catch? If you had asked me a week ago, I would have said there wasn't one...today...
OK, here's the story:
Met online, exchanged emails, then phone numbers(all within 2 days), then began talking and texting almost every day. Now, I am no fool. I did not ONCE initiate conversation with him. He called or texted me EVERY day...until...the day he didn't. He didn't call or text for 2 days...I of course, just let it go. He would call when he was ready to. And he did. Called me 2 days later asking how I was. He even apologized for not keeping in touch with me for the last couple of days--he was swamped at work. Everything was back to happyville. Then we were supposed to go out on Monday. Of course ICE STORM 2011 hit and everyone ran for cover. Although we were supposed to go out Monday and the storm didn't technically hit until Tuesday, but whatever...he was supposed to go out of town, but that got postponed because of the weather...yet he never let me know that he was still in town...OK, moving on.
We continued to talk/text for the next couple of days and HE told me that he wanted to watch the Superbowl together. HE told me to put some plans together. This was all HIS idea. (hope you are getting my point).
So guess what? I didn't hear from him for 2 days again...Then a text on Saturday. Now, I did break a rule. I did ask him if we were still on for Sunday. I know I shouldn't have, but a girl has to make plans doesn't she??? The response: "Um, yeah, what time were you thinking?" What time? Its the Superbowl, how about that time??!! I responded that we should hook up before the game started and that I didn't care where we watched it, that it was up to him.(bad move?)
NO RESPONSE. Until 11:00AM Sunday morning:
"Ugh, not feeling well."
Ok, I get it. So I did what any normal girl would do to make a man feel bad. I lied.
My response: "Aww man! That sucks! I was going to surprise you with some party passes to the game, but since your not feeling well, I understand taht you cant make it. Hope you feel better soon! And look for me on the jumbo tron!"
Ok, maybe in hindsight not the best move, but geez, blow me off twice?? A little lie is worth it...
So, here I am again, single(well, I guess I always was), and back on the prowl...

UPDATE: He texted me Monday afternoon to see how the game was...I am going to wait at least 2 days before I respond....I am a busy girl after all....

So, you're saying you are not dead???

So the assistant principal from the last blog really messed with my mind. I mean, why just drop off the face of the earth? I am totally convinced he found out where I worked (I never told him) and saw me and was done...What else can a girl really think? Since then no one has really even sparked an interest. The only "winks" I get are from guys at least 6 years younger than me...I really don't have time to babysit these days...SO, in the spirit of being "dumped" I of course had to find out if Mr. assistant principal was dead or not. So, I checked Match.com every day to see if he had logged in...I know, its crazy, but he really left me no choice. For 2 weeks not one sign of him...until last night. He was online the same time as me. And no, I did not have the guts to ask what happened, or what was wrong. Well, at least he's not dead right? Hmmm....

Why?? Please Explain...

So, I have been talking to the assistant principal for a couple of weeks. He is very funny, personable, and witty. According to his pictures, he's also funny...He is on Christmas break so he wanted to meet up. I told him that Monday would work for me b/c its very busy at work for me. He said that would be great and he would get back with me about a time and place...that was last Friday...haven't heard a peep from him since. NOTHING.
What happened?? Everything was going well. See, this is where insecurities come in to play. Did he stop by my store and see me and think, "oh, hell no!"?? Did he meet someone else Did he die?? (OK, that's morbid I know, but c'mon?) So, of course I refuse to call him or text him. I texted him last and he never responded. So, I guess its time to move on. And start over....ugh...no prospects yet, but I am still looking...I guess that this one year of match.com is going to have to be extended...

Desperation or practicality(is that a word?)

I have changed quite a bit of my criteria. I used to think that things like "executive/management positions" or "has to like beer" or even "wants to worship the ground I walk on" were of extreme importance. But as I get older I realize that I simply want a good guy. Here is an ideal list of what I would like in a man:
*Patience--I can be a bit much to handle so, this is a must have
*Sense of humor--gotta make me laugh
*Good looking--OK, so I may get some flack for this one, but good looking to me is very different than someone else's taste...
*GOT A JOB--this is a non negotiable
*Doesn't live with their mother, grandmother, uncles, aunts...--you get the idea
*Loves family--I am way too close to mine to be with someone who doesn't understand the importance of them in my life
*Wants kids--now this one I go back and forth on b/c I am not 100% sure I want them, so I may need someone to convince me
*Is kind--I think that kindness is the greatest quality anyone can have.
*Has faith--any kind really. Just has to believe in something.

Now, that's not asking too much is it??

Been a long time...where you been?

Alright, yes it has been a while. After months of self loathing, trying to forget about match.com, and even acting as though I really enjoy the single life(ugh!), I am back!
Let's jump right in:

How is it that almost EVERY man is athletic, toned, and loves the outdoors?? If you are as hot as your pictures then why are you even single?? I mean, my goodness. I had a guy ask me out for a first date and I was super excited. He was cute, blonde, and yummy...Then he opens his mouth and asks if I want to go...ready? A 5 MILE BIKE RIDE. OK, so I may have put that bike riding was a hobby. But seriously, a first date? Even you athletic ladies have to admit that's a bit lame. Who wants to see a girl all sweaty and gross on the first date? Doesn't even make sense to me. Oh, well. On to the other man. A high school principal. Not quite sure why that is so cool to me, but I am digging it. We just exchanged numbers and I will definitely keep things updated...

Technology

I know that I am on match.com so I should have been prepared for this, but I wasn't. Has technology ruined dating? I mean, we look at someone's profile and know pretty much everything about them and we haven't even spoken yet. Then I "wink' at him and wait until he logs online so see if he wants to "wink" back. This whole process is exhausting not to mention a little demeaning. So after I like you on paper, then we go on a date. This is of course after weeks of texting and emailing back and forth. A couple of dates and you finally get to see who the person really is and whether or not you even want to continue dating him. The entire time this process is happening, you are still meeting and talking to other people, as is he. Has technology taken away the butterflies in the stomach feeling?

To facebook or not to facebook

So the craze of facebook has taken over our lives. I met a man. He is an executive chef (yay), he is very cute (from pics), and seems very laid back. We are supposed to meet up shortly. Here is the thing: he friend requested me on facebook. This may not seem like a big issue, but there is alot of personal information on facebook AND, not to mention, a link to this website. Do I want to be "friends" with a guy I am just dating? I am guilty of being a constant facebooker, so my every move would be monitored. Also, how did he find out my last name? Did he look through all the people with my first name and match up the picture? I am not sure if that's a compliment or creepy. We haven't even met up yet, so I think I will 'ignore' his friend request...for now...

The ginger...

Not a fan of the red head. Nothing against them, but just not my thing. So, imagine my surprise when one 'winks' at me. I almost didn't know how to react. A full head of fiery red hair, and a FULL beard. What am I going to do with that? An instant flash of my wedding pictures ran through my head. He seemed really nice and even emailed me that he is not traditionally good looking. I feel bad. Maybe I should give him a chance.


NOPE, can't get the wedding pics outta my head....